


Sheets

by Silverstream16



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Omorashi, PTSD, give joohyun a hug, lord i’m sorry for sinning, no actual rape just aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-12-30 17:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverstream16/pseuds/Silverstream16
Summary: In the end she had her girls, and the sheets that would never change.





	1. Chapter 1

She had to get back to the girls. That was her first thought afterwards, lying naked and limp in the bed, the sweaty heavily breathing figure of her manager next to her. She had to get back to the girls, she had been gone too long. He had taken too long this time, she wasn’t satisfying enough this time. He gets off of the bed without a word, slipping his clothes on silently and turning to exit.

“I’ll pull the car up.”

She didn’t acknowledge him, he knew she heard. She lays for a second, just thinking. She had to get back to the girls. She pulls herself up, her sweaty skin pulling uncomfortably from the white sheet. Her thighs hurt, he was a lot rougher today. She noted the small amount of blood on her thighs, and she sighed. She was long past the point of crying, too used to this to show any sort of emotion other than indifference. She quickly threw her clothes back on, straightening her appearance out before making her way out of the room, now looking back once. She climbs into the car next to her manager, she doesn’t say a word. The drive is silent for the most part, he sings along to some of the songs, snakes his hand up her thigh. She doesn’t react, just stares out the window. She had to get back to the girls. He pulls up in front of the dorm and looks at her, his eyes dark.

“The girls are sure lucky to have a leader like you, they don’t even know how much you’ve done for them. Keep it that way.”

It was a threat and she knew it, a silent promise that if she didn’t follow his orders it would be one of the next. Her fists clenched slightly, she hated when he talked about them, when he talked about her girls. He tainted their names, poisoned their images with his dirty words. It made her sick to think about. She nods and exits the car, not looking back to see him drive away. 

Her hands shake slightly as she reaches for the door knob. It’s long past the time any of the girls would be up, she knows this. She worries about them, worries about them finding out and telling someone. She doesn’t want them to be next. Seulgi is so happy so innocent and kind. Seungwan is too good for the world, full of so much love and optimism. Sooyoung is feisty and confident, she knows what she wants. Yerim is so young but so wise, having been through enough already. She turns the knob and enters the dark dorm, the silence that envelops her should be comforting but it’s not. She places her bag on the table gently, her hands trembling more. 

She checks each room, noting the girls’ peaceful faces. Asleep and safe with no traces of any of the horror she had ever faced. She wants to keep it that way. She shuts their doors quietly before retreating to the bathroom. She grows nauseous as she wipes away the dried blood and other bodily fluids on her thighs and watches them swirl around the shower drain. 

Swallowing her own self pity she brushes her teeth and washes her face, taking in her appearance in the mirror. The soft spoken fierce leader of Red Velvet, with kind eyes and a wise soul. She saw the tiredness seeping into skin in the form of bags under her eyes. She saw the slight downward quirk in the corner of her lips, a frown for all she’s endured. She saw him all over her, she always does. She shuts the light off and turns to her own bedroom.

Settling into her bed she still feels unsafe, the sheets are all the same. Wherever she went or wherever she slept the sheets remained the same. She’d continue to feel the same sheets for as long as she needed to, she had an image to keep up. She had her girls to take care of, nothing could stop her. She shuts her eyes and forces herself not to feel him anymore. Sleep overtakes her when she knows she’s with her girls, and the sheets will remain the same.


	2. Chapter 2

She thought she was over this by now. The nightmares that plagued her the first month left her shaken to the core, but they subsided and the last three months have been relatively nightmare free. She groaned internally, realizing that maybe they were coming back since this was the second time she had had one this week. Something was different about this nightmare though, she shifted slightly and gasped, her hand flying over her mouth. Flinging her sheets off of her body she stared down at the wet patch beneath her, her grey sweatpants soaked through. Tears welled up in her eyes but she blinked them back furiously, she would not cry over this.

She quickly got up and stripped the sheet off of her bed, to her horror she realized it soaked through her mattress. She felt utterly defeated as she jumbled the sheets up, sniffling pathetically and kicking her sweatpants and underwear to the floor. Grabbing a new pair of pajama bottoms she slipped them on and grabbed the sodden bundle of fabric in her arms and quietly made her way to the washing machine at the far end of the dorm. She quietly threw the evidence of her shameful nightmare into the machine and tried to turn it on as quietly as possible, but of course luck would not be on her side as she knocked over the laundry detergent by accident, the contents spilling all over the floor. 

“Shit!”

She aggressively whispered and she looked around for anything to clean it up. It was too dark for her to see but she didn’t really like the idea of potentially waking any of the girls up, they needed their rest. She didn’t have much time to worry about that because suddenly the room was engulfed in yellow light, a figure standing by the door and rubbing the sleep from their eyes to adjust them to the room. 

“Unnie what are you doing?”

Of course it was Seungwan, the lightest sleeper in the world. She panicked slightly, hoping that Seungwan wouldn’t connect the dots. She met Seungwan’s questioning sleepy eyes like a deer caught in headlights.

“Nothing Seungwan-ah, go back to sleep.”

Seungwan just looked down at the detergent all over the floor.

“Do you want any help with that?”

Her heart was beating slightly fast, she didn’t know how to get out of this situation. She just shook her head and said she had it under control, but Seungwan didn’t move. She stared at her as she began to clean the floor with paper towels, her gaze burned.

“What were you doing?”

She wished Seungwan would leave her alone, but she couldn’t snap at her. She just stayed silent as she continued to clean, not noticing Seungwan inching forward. When she stood up she was surprised to see Seungwan right next to her and she jumped a little, always frightened so easily. Her heart skipped a beat, praying Seungwan couldn’t smell the acrid scent coming from her legs. Seungwan just studied her slightly, and then glanced at the washing machine.

“Unnie did you...?”

She didn’t get a chance to finish before she was abruptly cut off.

“No Seungwan don’t be ridiculous.”

Seungwan shrunk back slightly, shrugging.

“I mean it’s not a big deal if you did is all I’m saying.”

She turned around, gripping the detergent bottle in her hand tightly. She felt the tears sting her eyes again as heat rose to her cheeks and she begged herself to stop. But the tears slipped down her cheeks anyways.

“I said no Seungwan just... just leave it please.”

She was trembling now, afraid of making Seungwan upset, afraid of Seungwan finding out the truth. She felt Seungwan’s eyes staring at her back, she can tell the younger girl knows the truth. A soft hand slides over her back and she flinches, afraid. She tries to get away but Seungwan won’t let her. She struggles slightly, almost yelps when Seungwan grabs her wrists and pulls their bodies together. She’s stiff at first.

“It’s okay Unnie it was just an accident.”

She feels fresh tears spill over her cheeks again and she’s breathing quickly. But Seungwan feels warm and kind, not like him. She lets herself go and relaxes into Seungwan’s hold, burying her face into the girl’s neck. Seungwan just shushes her sobs soothingly, rubbing her back up and down in a slow gentle motion. 

“You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

She lets Seungwan be strong for her for just this moment, holding her upright and getting the four months of pent up emotion out into the girl’s neck. She knows this is a mistake but her body doesn’t care, her body is tired and so is her mind. She’s not sure how long Seungwan holds her for but when she finally pulls away, and the younger girl swipes the tears off of her cheeks, she feels overly exhausted.

“I won’t ask what happened Unnie, I know something is going on. You’ve been different lately, but it’s not my place. You can tell us when you’re ready, if you ever are.”

She feels sick, Seungwan knows something. She wants to throw up thinking about sweet little Seungwan getting taken advantage of the way she does. She has to force herself to calm down, telling herself that Seungwan doesn’t know and as long as she keeps her mouth shut she never will. She just smiles a fake smile at the girl and tells her she’s fine just a little tired. Seungwan falters, and her eyes darken a bit knowing it’s not the truth. She assures her once more before sending the girl back to her room upon insistence. She gives up on her bed for now, shutting the lights in the dorm off and making her way back to her room. She wraps herself in a blanket and sinks to the ground, letting herself be taken over by all of her shame as she drifts off into another living nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want more perhaps i’ll write more ???


	3. Chapter 3

The accidents continued for the rest of the week, and she spent too much time having to conceal her shame and keep Seungwan content enough to not suspect anything. It came to the point where she stopped sleeping, because it was better than being shaken by the nightmares and waking up to wet sheets and embarrassment. 

Now in the middle of their first week of promotions, the girls were carted off across the country. It was their second stop in the trip and unfortunately for her, she didn’t get her own room this time. They drew straws the old fashioned way upon Sooyoung making a joke about it. Shortest straw gets the single room as the rules state, second and third shortest share a room with two beds while the longest two share a room with one bed. Luck not on her side, she ends up with the longest straw in hand. Seulgi erupted into cheers as she gets her own room while the youngest two get the double beds which means she’s left to Seungwan, who stared at her curiously. Any chance of sleeping tonight could be kissed goodbye. 

She avoided Seungwan for the entirety of the time they were in their room sorting their stuff out. Seungwan wasn’t actively trying to get her attention but she could feel her eyes on her constantly, and she didn’t like it. She hadn’t spent much time talking to Seungwan since that night where she let herself go in in a rare moment of vulnerability. She was out of their room before Seungwan even had a chance to open her mouth. 

Practice for promotions the next day was brutal, her lack of sleep making it hard for her to dance to the best of her ability. Their trainers and managers eyeing her with a lot of disapproval. She paid no mind to all of them except for one, he was giving her the look. Her spine shivered when she messed up for the fifth time in the last ten minutes and he stopped practice in order to speak to her. She knew what that meant, and her stomach filled with dread as she walked out of the room, her head bowed. She felt Seungwan’s eyes on her the entire time. 

Once they were out of earshot, shut away in a grimy closet she let fear take over her. She could see the look in his eyes, the one she feared the most.

“Please, not today.”

His face stalled, and he looked at her with faux concern, his voice exuding malice.

“Oh what’s wrong? Not feeling well? Tired? Woman problems? Fine I guess I can let you be today.”

She felt herself relax momentarily, actually holding hope that he was being serious. But then her stomach lurched and she felt herself nearly throw up.

“I guess I’ll just have to use one of your girls today then. Which shall it be hm? Sooyoung has a beautiful body, oh the things I could do to her.”

Her fists clenched the minute he mentioned Sooyoung, there was no way in hell he would ever lay his dirty hands on her. She shook her head violently, tears springing to her eyes.

“I’m sorry please. Do whatever you want to me I’m sorry. Please don’t touch them.”

He laughed lowly, smiling at her before fisting his hand in her hair and dragging her closer to him. His breath smelt terrible and she had to fight to keep breathing.

“Next time you try and tell me what you want not only will one of your precious girls suffer, but I’ll be sure to leak your darkest secret.”

She held herself back from physically gulping, her heart hammering in her chest and she trembled. She nodded in defeat and let him lower her to the dirt covered floor.

“Good, now let’s see if I can successfully straighten you out this time hm? From the way you touch them, especially that Seungwan, I can see it hasn’t worked.”

Her eyes slammed shut and she thought of Seungwan, so kind and caring always willing to help. She cares so much for everyone, especially her. No wonder she fell in love with the younger girl. She let the tears slip out as she blocked out the sounds and the feeling. Her fists clenched the ground helplessly, but there were no familiar white sheets for her to hold, only the dirty floor of her shame. 

-

They returned shortly after, he didn’t take very long to satisfy today. She made sure to fix her appearance as best she could before returning to practice for the next few hours. Her thighs stung and she was pretty sure she was bleeding. The girls were watching her, especially Seungwan who kept her gaze trained on her quite often. She pretended that she didn’t notice.

She made it through the final hours of their practice before the girls were shoved into a van and taken back to the hotel. She could smell the dirt and sweat on her, and she felt the dried blood on her inner thighs amongst other things. She avoided talking to anyone, sticking her headphones in her ears before the girls or the managers could say anything. Knowing that he would be just a few doors away from her unsettled her, and knowing she’d be sharing a bed with Seungwan made it worse. There was no possible way she could fall asleep and risk another shameful accident with Seungwan next to her. 

The minute they stepped foot back in their hotel room she raced off to the bathroom, needing to get herself cleaned up as fast as possible. She tried not to remember as she wiped the blood and body fluids from her inner thighs, they stung a lot. She changed quickly, rolling her dirty leggings and underwear up into a ball and tucking it under her arm to hide it. Seungwan was waiting on the bed when she emerged, distracted by her phone. She took the opportunity to stuff her clothes into her suitcase before Seungwan noticed. The girl didn’t turn as she went to the door.

“I’m going for a run, don’t wait up.”

Seungwan didn’t respond and she left, running down the hall desperate to get some fresh air to clear her mind. 

-

Seungwan put her phone down five seconds after the door closed and she sprung off the bed, heading straight for the woman’s suitcase. She dug around for a few minutes, feeling guilty for snooping. Finally her hand came across what she was looking for, the balled up pile of clothes. She pulled it out carefully and unraveled it, the scent coming off of it nearly making her gag. A pair of white panties fell out onto her lap and upon picking them up she realized they were tinted red from blood. Seungwan assumed maybe she just got her period but nearly gagged when she realized blood wasn’t the only thing staining the underwear. Her eyes watered and she quickly balled the underwear back into the pants and shoved it in the suitcase again.

“God Hyun what is he doing to do?”


	4. Chapter 4

By the time she came back from her run, Seungwan was tucked into bed seemingly asleep. She stared for a few moments before grabbing some clothes from her suitcase, suspicious of how some of the items were placed in there, and headed to the bathroom to shower. Showering was the one time she’d let herself fall apart, letting her emotions get the better of her. She tried to sob as quietly as possible, as she tried to rub the feeling of him off of her. 

She let herself feel for a little longer today, sinking to the bottom of the tub and crying until the water was ice cold on her skin. It was scary how her tears stopped as soon as the water stopped flowing. She dried herself off with a blank expression and slipped her clothes on, not sparing any glances at her bruises. She makes sure her face is presentable just in case before slipping out of the bathroom and flicking the lights off. 

Seungwan was still in the same position so she was sure the girl was asleep. She gently slipped into the other side of the bed, her body and mind screaming for sleep but she knew she couldn’t. She stares at the ceiling for a while, replaying everything over and over and over again. She didn’t even realize she was shaking until she started to picture Seungwan instead. Snapping her eyes closed she turned her back to the girl and stared at the wall, begging herself to stay awake. Her eyes dropped closed despite her best efforts, but they shot back open seconds later when an arm snaked around her waist. She nearly screaming in panic, and she couldn’t stop herself from whimpering.

“It’s just me Unnie, I’m sorry I scared you.”

It was Seungwan. Of course it was, she knew that. She wasn’t imagining him, she wasn’t. She tried to convince herself to let her pride stay but instead she just trembled in fear. He was infiltrating her mind again, he was all over her. She still felt him above everything else. She nearly missed Seungwan hesitate and start to pull her arm away. Gripping onto her hand in a moment of desperation, she pulled Seungwan’s arm back over her abdomen firmly. The girl scooted closer and trailed soothing circles over her t-shirt, whispering into her ear.

“You’re alright Hyun, I’ve got you it’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

Her blood ran cold, Seungwan knew something for sure. Had she shopped through her suitcase? Did she find the evidence? Her brain was screaming at how dangerous this was, she was getting too close and Seungwan was zeroing in. If she let her find out then Seungwan was next, and she couldn’t live with herself imagining Seungwan of all people being dirtied and defiled the way she was. No matter how much her brain screamed her body gave in and relaxed against the comfort of the younger girl, her eyes were drooping shut as Seungwan hummed delicately in her ear. She did the one thing she promised herself she wouldn’t do tonight: fall asleep.

-

She awoke in a panic like she expected herself to. It was different tonight though, because she wasn’t alone in this bed. Her heart sank when she realized that her thighs her wet, and she felt the tears spring to her eyes. There was no way to hide this from Seungwan. She started to shake with silent sobs as she moved around to feel how big the puddle was. Her cheeks burned at the substantial mess she created in the bed, her heart cracking in her chest. 

She didn’t know what else to do other than cry silently to herself, feeling his disgusting hands all over her and remembering his smelly breath in her face. She cried out loudly when a hand came down on her back softly, her silent sobs no longer silent.

“Hyun what? What happened are you okay?”

Seungwan’s voice was sleepy, her shaking must have woken the girl up. She curled into herself slightly, afraid of what was going to happen next. Seungwan was too smart for her as she felt the blankets being lifted up slightly and then gently lowered. Her eyes were clamped shut but the light from the lamp being flicked on still shone through her eyelids. The bed shifted as Seungwan got off of it and she silently made her way around the bed.

“Come on Unnie, let’s clean you up.”

She didn’t want to move, she wanted Seungwan to let her suffer in her shame forever. But Seungwan was so gentle and kind and the soft hands pulling her up and out of the bed. She didn’t want to open her eyes as she stood up, she didn’t want to see the mess. Regardless, her eyes opened anyways and she stared down at the huge wet patch on the sheets and how sodden her sweatpants were and she felt more tears slip out as she covered her mouth. 

“It’s alright Unnie.”

Seungwan turned her away from the mess and towards the bathroom, rubbing the girl’s hips. She froze, the movement of Seungwan’s hands on her hips made her panic. His hands were on her, he was here. It wasn’t Seungwan anymore it was him and he was going to hurt her again, then he would hurt Seungwan and the others. She didn’t feel Seungwan nudge her into the bathroom and tell her to wash herself off. All she felt were his hands suffocating her, dirtying every inch of her skin, taking her body from her. She sank to her knees and sobbed, no longer present in the waking world. 

She wasn’t present when Seungwan rushed in without knocking after hearing her loud sobs. She wasn’t present for the younger girl crying as she stripped her down and washed her off. She wasn’t present for the redressing or waiting for the maid service to supply new sheets. She doesn’t remember anything other than waking up to sunlight the next morning, buried into Seungwan’s chest. Her eyes stung and her face felt puffy and she knew she had been crying. Seungwan was still asleep, and to her horror she realized she was in new clothes. She remembers the accident, and she remembers Seungwan’s hands on her hips. She remembers his hands on her hips, and she realized now that Seungwan saw her, she bathed her. Seungwan has to know now, and as she keeled over the toilet vomiting, she realized that Seungwan is next.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew i’m so sorry for this


End file.
